hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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