I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
