Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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