Can i not drive my cunt home
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
