i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
