ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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