No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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