I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
