you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
