there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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