Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
