i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
