his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Blood and glitter go together right?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
