it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
