I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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