I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
