Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
