I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
