I wish my penis had an off switch
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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