Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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