you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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