Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
