Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
