I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
