His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
