I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
