the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
