your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
