He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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