Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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