"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize