Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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