all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
