what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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