i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
