y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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