she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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