yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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