You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
