Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
