Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
