last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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