shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
