I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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