Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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