Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
