i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
