I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
