Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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