Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
