Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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