dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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