Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
