I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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