upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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