Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
