I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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