look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
