I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i've created a new STD.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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