i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
