There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
