Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
