if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
