i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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