I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
